:-)

There is nothing as perfect as a genuine smile. You might not be perfect. You might not be the perfect personification of what I deem to be perfect. But if you can make me smile, even in this misery, that means a lot. I would be grateful to the stars if this Joycean Epiphany lasts a little longer than usual. So that I can be happy; be happy in my own little ways. :-)

The Grim Fairy Tale!

Just another night. Her hair was still wet. The evening rain was beautiful. She did not want to wipe it off. Her feet were still sticky. The spilled ice cream has a different taste now, she thought. She was humming the last song she heard. She was trying to recall the lyrics. She was in a daze. She was thinking about the kids she met on her way. Their eyes. How bright were they! She choked. She swallowed. She tried to sleep. She hugged the pillow. She slept.

Always! But Why?

That pain in your eyes, when you try hard not to cry. That lump in your throat when you try hard not to speak. After all this time? One may ask. And, always, you say. There comes a moment when you lose your hold on everything, everything that you yet managed to ignore, everything that you yet managed to hide. After all this time? You may ask yourself. And, always, you say. And you still don't know why!

The Cat and Shakespeare

It was when I was reading The Cat and Shakespeare, the memory of Chukku came back to me. As I was reading the book, sitting peacefully amidst the State Library's British Library Collection, surrounded by infinite books-ancient and modern- and the two centuries old architectural wonder of the building, I saw Chukku staring at me peacefully from one of those shining corners of my memory. Smiley. I simply choose the book, just to pass time, yet with a lot of prejudices. Raja Rao and his philosophy. Oh, hell no! I am not going to digest this. But it was a delight to read about the city where I live, where I belong. Trivandrum. Smiley. I didn't even finish the first quarter and I got the call from a friend who was waiting for me, near the pond Padmatheerdham-for shopping, and I decided to read the book later. With no spare card, I had to leave the book on the shelf itself. So, I ask to those who read the book. Is there a real cat there in the book? And, from where does Shakespeare come to the scene? Anyway, the mere mention of a cat in the title reminded me of Chukku. Chukku was the house cat of Akka Mahadevi Hostel of EFLU (Hyderabad) during 09-10. It was our second year of MA and to us she came. Us, a bunch of crazy, intelligent, beautiful ladies. Colon and the alphabet P.

It was Jyothika who bought her from the Blue Cross people and she was placed in a card board in Bhagi's room. As I came back to hostel around 8.30 after dinner, I heard about the cat story. Oh My God! I thought. I was scared of cats. Prathyu's mom used to keep all her cats away whenever I informed her that I am coming. That was in high-school. Ammu loves cats. When I went to her home, her cat Peppy stared at me from a distance. I stared back. I think, I think, I tried to touch her. And now, in the hostel, a cat! I knew that many of us adore cats and would love to have one around. I went to see the kitten and believe me, that was love at first sight. Chukku became one of us.

She used to sit on Ammu's laptop, used to make fun of Mahi and also used to wet Koel's bed. I still remember someone accusing Koel of squeezing Chukku. But, obviously, that was her way of showing affection. It's Bhagi who gave her name, Chukku. She was ginger coloured and 'Chukku' means ginger powder. Chukku used to wake Vrindu early in the morning. She loved Henna's warm ironed clothes. Ruchi, Resh, Asha, everyone just loved her. We used to look after her in turns. The cafeteria system of EFLU really helped Chukku. She was always pampered and what not, she became famous. In the entire campus. Smiley.

Boys, too used to come, just to see her. And then she started going to the boys hostel. Rumors were that she was going out with a tom cat in the Basheer Hostel. Well, after all we brought her up, in EFLU. Nonetheless her mummys were really really upset when she goes on missing. But, she used to come back after every 'missing episodes'. We never opened the fridge in her presence, lest she should jump inside. She challenged one of the doggies and the furious dog chased her to the terrace and when we saved her, she made fun of the doggy, acting as if she is going to jump. Oh! The things she had done! Chukku, the bravest!

As usual, one day she had gone missing. We were not bothered. We knew that she would come back. We attended classes, had breakfast, lunch and dinner. Yes, we had dinner and she was not yet back. Some went to the Basheer hostel. Guys said that they didn't see her. We took a stroll in the campus. She was nowhere to be found. Some went to the construction sight to make sure that she was not trapped. She was not trapped. We had our endless, fruitless wait. We damn missed her. I used to hear her cries for help at times. But that was just an illusion. One day I was washing my clothes and I heard a meow. I ran out of the bathroom. I saw Resh coming out of the other bathroom saying that she too heard a meow. A search team was formed in vain. That was not Chukku. But from where did we hear her cries? Many of us, in fact, at different times. But, that was just an illusion. The entire campus mourned her absence. Sigh! She never came back. Days passed. We were done with our MA. We packed certificates and memories and caught trains and flights homeward-bound.

Some of us came back for M.Phil. We still heard rumours, that Chukku is around. Some random cat came to Sravasti and licked her fingers, some random cat was found in the International guest house, some random cat was found in Maithri cafeteria. We couldn't recognize her, as she was big in size. I was never good at identifying cats. Those who are good at it refused to believe that it was Chukku. After all, if it was Chukku, she should recognize us. We fed her with love, not just milk and biscuits...

Was that an emotional post? I couldn't help it. Reader, I apologize. Wink wink. You want to see our dear Chukku? The pic is from Chandrika's photo album.This is one of the breakfasts we arranged for ourselves. And did you see, towards the right end, just below the glass windows, Chukku lying down, enjoying the sunlight? Wink wink. That is our Chukku... :)

Ideology and Need

Having a stupid internet connection is enough to make you frustrated for a lifetime. It's been a week and there is no sign of recovery even after all those n-number of visits from the BSNL people. They just refuse to understand the problem. They come and say. "There is connection. That light is blinking." And I am tired of answering, "Yes! There is connection and the light is blinking. Wait for sometime and you 'll see that it's gone for good." But as they have to attend many such cases (No wonder!), they do 'this and that' and leave the place. I am forced to take the new Reliance connection now. Again! These people will make me a petty bourgeoisie.I have already bought leggings from Big Bazar (Quality matters!) and face wash from Spencers (I do not want those dusty ones in the local shop!). Convenience, you know.

A Beautiful Sunday Morning

I woke up to Minmini's song. May be for the first time in my life, I switched on the TV, the moment I got up. "Chinna chinna asai" and a cup of Nescafe. Mani Ratnam! Santhosh Sivan! A R Rahman! Vairamuthu!  Nothing can beat this morning. I smiled. The sunlight was flickering through the leaves and the birds were singing. The church bell. The choir. Oh! I missed the mass again. But if God is this immense peace and hope that I am feeling right now, I am in His presence. Now, mom is back from church. She wants to make 'Battura' as Sunday special. Asked me to go to the nearby shop to buy some ingredients. "Oh! I look sleepy. All those people who are coming back from church will see me", I complained. Yet I set out for the adventure. Oh! No! My old classmate-the next door guy-the one from my own church with his dashing smile. One among the very few friends I have in my place. "So you are here! I didn't know! When did you come back? All your exams over?" Thank God, at least he didn't spoil this beautiful day, asking "what next", early in the morning. A small chit chat for less than a minute in front of the shop and I do not have any idea how many people just smiled at me as if wishing a good morning. I do not know all of them. I always wonder how these people never fail to recognize me. This is not where I was born. This is not where I was brought up. We shifted to this place just 9 years back. I was here just for 5 years. A girl who never talked to the natives for she missed the old place so much that she didn't want any connections here. A girl who was never regular in Church because she over-slept. Occasional visits on Christmas and Easter holidays for the past four years. Now, I am back home and every time I get out of my house, I see these smiling faces. I miss EFLU so much at times that I want to go back, to shout, to scream, to do everything that I want to do the moment I feel like doing it, to BELONG. Though, I am not a stranger at this place anymore. Because they smile at me. Something which I never fail to give back. The only thing that I expect from others. Thank you world... :-)

I have to write

It was not the first day of the year. It was not the first day of the month. Not even the first day of the week. Neither the first hour of the day nor my birthday. Yet, I took a new resolution. To write, to write and to write more. Tonight, I just cannot concentrate. My fingers are touching the wrong keys. I am going through this backspace- shift-backspace-caps-lock-shift-backspace-oh!Where is the cursor! phase again after two and a half months. And I am not ready to surrender. And, so here is the post. But did you ask why? Why that I want to write more and more and more?  Why is it that I cannot write tonight? Ask! Someone will tell you. It seems the world knows so much. I do not know. Ask. Someone will tell you.

Godavari and Gone with the Wind

A river in India and a Pulitzer prize winning American novel. The reader might be wondering how anyone can connect these two. But aren't we living in a world of six degrees of separation? Ha! Lame! Let us come to the point. Here, Godavari is not just a river. It's a beautifully made Telugu movie. The river Godavari, a houseboat, a pilgrimage to Bhadrachalam and a wedding party and of course romance. Godavari has everything needed for a simple feel good movie. But romance is not what connects the movie and the book. At least for me. I stopped reading the book in the middle of it; and I stopped watching the movie too. But why? Just to be in the tale, to be with the tale. Strange! Yes. I had this inane feeling that once I finish reading/watching these two, it will be over; the story will be over; and all the good moments will be over. As I said, to be in the tale, to be with the tale, I closed the book; I closed the window too. I am not making any sense and I am fully aware of it. But, that is what life. Isn't it? 

First

Nothing much. To write, to write and to write more. A magical pensieve.